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Go Where You are Valued, Just as You Are

Humans are social beings. We all crave a sense of connection and belonging. And yet, how many of us stay too long in places or relationships where we aren't being valued? This has a tendency to happen if you are a people pleaser, or if you don't know your own worth.

Everyone has skills that make them valuable. This includes YOU. There are things that you are good at doing, things that make you unique and special. You have talents, skills and abilities that could do a lot of good if applied correctly.

Chances are, if you aren't being valued by the people around you, then you aren't in the place where you belong. If you find somewhere - be it a job, relationship or friend group - where you really fit then you will be treated as though you have value to others.

According to Loveful Mind, finding yourself in the wrong place is all too common:

At times in my 20s, I feel unsure of my values and priorities. But one thing I keep coming back to is that you’re not for everyone and not everyone sees you. There are people for whom you’ll never be good enough no matter how much you try, and you should recognise the signs early on and bid them goodbye. Life’s too short to be around those people. And I’m talking about both careers and romantic love.

When you spend all your time trying to please others and feel like you will never measure up to their expectations, you are wasting your talents and your time. You deserve to spend your time in places and spaces where you feel seen, heard and valued.

“The right place with the right people will always treat you the way you deserve to be. Know your worth, and never settle where you’re not appreciated. Never stay where people don’t value you.” - Niklas Göke

If you are spending all your time with people who make you feel bad about yourself, you are going to take a huge hit to your self-esteem. It will make you constantly second guess yourself. People have this tendency of gaslighting others, manipulating them, and making them feel worthless. This can be a result of many things including narcissism, bad management, or not being in the right place with the right people.

Don't overstay your welcome

Whether in relationships or in your career, if you are finding that you are unwelcome and your work and opinions aren't valued, it is probably time to walk away. It is better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who make you miserable. Life is too short, and your time is too valuable.

You deserve to be treated with courtesy and respect. Everyone deserves that, just by virtue of being a human being on this planet.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like you are unwanted, stop trying to change people's minds. When you have to constantly change, or convince people of your worth, then you are in the wrong place.

Leaving a relationship or a job can be scary. But, if you have gotten complacent somewhere you are constantly being treated like a doormat, don't let fear of the unknown hold you back from leaving your current situation.

Your soul tribe is out there. These are the people who are going to love you no matter what, and encourage you to become the best version of yourself. The people you really want in your life are never going to ask you to change who you are in order to please them or to fit some ideal.

Finding where you belong

It can take a while to find where you are supposed to be in life, the people you are supposed to be with, and what you are supposed to be doing. In order to get clear on what you really want out of a relationship or job, do some soul searching. Assess your priorities and values. Ask yourself what is most important to you in life.

As you find your own purpose, you will naturally begin to attract like minded people. Whatever your interests are, the more you pursue them, the more you will enter into spaces with people who value the same things you do. You will find relationships and job opportunities that are more aligned to your authentic self.

According to Paulina Milana, if you are feeling like you don't belong here are 3 steps to find your way back to yourself:

  1. Give Yourself A Social Media Break

  2. Reconnect with everything that isn't "man made"

  3. Remember who you are

These tips can be a starting point for a new journey. When we spend too much time on social media, we have a tendency to focus on image only. We want to cultivate a presence that makes us likeable. We aren't being who we really are, we are just showing highlight reels. Doing this can make you feel bad about yourself if you feel like you don't measure up to others.

Stop comparing yourself, and you are bound to feel better! Also, spend time connecting in person instead of online. Spending time with friends, loved ones, or even complete strangers who share your interests can help you find a sense of connection that can be missing on social media.

Spending time in nature can also be incredibly healing, and provide a sense of grounding in your life. The outdoors can help you connect to something beyond yourself, to be more mindful, and to enjoy the beauty of the Earth itself.

Remembering who you are sounds easy, and yet, in so many cases it isn't. We are piled on with layers of social conditioning from when we are very young. In addition to being taught 'right' from 'wrong' we learn many other things that may or may not be helpful as we grow.

Being compliant as a child may win you praise, but as an adult it can make you into a people pleaser. I know this feeling all too well. When you try to constantly change to please others, you lose a sense of yourself. You become a chameleon, changing to fit the situation around you. You lose authenticity.

In order to connect back to yourself, you can spend some time meditating or journaling in order to get really clear on what is important to you. Decide the type of person that you really want to be, then start showing up as the best version of yourself. Pursue relationships and opportunities that are aligned to your authentic self and your values.

It may take time, and some trial and error, to find where you belong. That's ok. We are all works in progress. Sometimes we make mistakes, or we see things through rose colored glasses. But if you find yourself somewhere that is making you constantly feel uncomfortable and unsure of yourself, that is probably a good indication that it is time to move on.


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