Do you ever feel so full of sadness and regret that you wonder if things are ever going to be okay again? Do you feel stuck and lost? Do you feel overwhelmed with feelings and not know how to make them go away?
Sometimes you just have to sit with a feeling and wait for it to pass. Feelings don't last forever, no matter how much it may seem like they are going to. It is easy to get too caught up in your head and in your heart. Especially when it feels like your heart is breaking.
When you are sad, it can feel like you are drowning in a dark well, with water about to cover you, and you gasp for breath.
Yet sadness doesn't last forever. In our lives, we will face heartbreak many times. It isn't easy to move on and make sense of things, but if you are gentle and kind to yourself, the feelings will move on more quickly.
You won't be stuck forever. There is always hope at the end of the day, or light at the end of the tunnel.
Finding your priorities
When you are sad and hurt, it can feel like you are just lost. But the things that cause those lost feelings can also be your guide.
If there are things that you are grieving, things you feel like you have lost, or relationships you fear that you have broken, the focus of your sadness can show you what is really important in your life.
What is it that you really feel like you can't live without?
Sadness can show you this. The things you most fear are like a mirror, showing you what it is that you value most. If it is a person or a relationship that you are afraid of losing, then you are seeing just how much that relationship means to you.
When you feel sad and broken, often those feelings take you to the very core of your being. It takes you to your deepest fears, and the things you are most afraid of losing.
If you think you have lost something precious, it shows you just how much that thing meant to you in the first place.
When we have harmed ourselves or our relationships, it is important to learn how to let go of the regret and forgive ourselves. Self forgiveness has to come before we can really let go of the pain and forgive someone else.
We question why we have done something to harm our most important relationships.
Probably, it is because our priorities were out of whack. We let things become too important to us that didn't deserve that degree of importance in the first place. We stopped focusing on the people we loved the most and let other things get in the way.
Realizing that we are fallible and imperfect can be frightening. We can lose trust in ourselves and our decisions. We feel like we have done something that is wrong on such a vast scale that it can't be made right again.
We say things in the heat of anger in the moment that leave scars in our own hearts, and in the hearts of those we love. Yet, we have to look at those things too. We have to look at the hurt and the feelings that caused an argument.
Sometimes we let pain build up for too long, and it comes out at the worst possible time. It is in these times that we can realize that we have been dishonest with ourselves about what is really important in life. We have taken our eyes off the prize.
That prize is love. It is the people who mean most to us in our lives. When we let other things become more important than our relationships, we are always going to struggle.
Forgiving that struggle, and our own inner turmoil is the first step towards finding healing for the situations that have hurt us. Forgiving ourselves for our roles in those conflicts can go a long way. It can help us find a more kind way to act as we move forward.
Getting life back on track
Sometimes, it can feel like it will be impossible to get our lives back on track, and after a big argument, this can be a daunting task. People's feelings are fragile, and not easily mended. Our hearts all break.
In order to get back on track in our relationships when things go wrong, it is important to be honest about what went wrong in the first place.
You can do some introspection through journaling or meditation to figure out what set you off in the first place. Then, talk through the situation with the other people involved to figure out what can be done differently next time.
This is best done once you are feeling calm again. If you try to make amends in the heat of anger and upset feelings, chances are, you are just going to make things worse and say more things that you will regret.
A real apology has to come with the promise to change in the future. Otherwise, it is just empty words.
Let the people in your life know that you value them, that they are a priority for you, and that you will treat them as such in the future. This can be a good first step towards getting your relationships back on track.
It is possible to forgive quite a lot, both from others and ourselves, when we can show that we really do care, and we really do want to move forward in a different way.
Take time for self-care
When you are trying to mend a broken heart, it is especially important to be gentle with yourself, and to take time for self-care. This can help you emotionally build yourself back up to a stronger place.
It can take time to build yourself back up after events that have hurt you, this is perfectly normal.
While you are trying to heal, take time to do things that are good for you. Get out your whole self-care toolbox. Take time for some pampering, to journal it out. Meditate or do yoga. Talk to a therapist or a close friend for some insight.
It can be hard to heal all on your own, but being able to depend on yourself and your inner strength is a good place to start. So do things that feed into that strength. Do things that are healthier for yourself. Don't get stuck on self-destruct.
Self-care is the opposite of self-destruction.
When you take the time to do things that are good for you, that heal you from the inside out, you are showing yourself that you do have value. This can help to build back up your self-esteem and believe in your own worth.
Believing that you are a good person, worthy of kindness can go a long way towards being able to move through your dark feelings. The more you believe in your own goodness, the more quickly you will be able to heal.