Sometimes it feels like life is at a crossroads, and there are two different obvious paths that you can take. But which path leads you closer to yourself? Which path leads you where you want to go?
Right now, I am asking myself, is there a path other than the obvious one? Is there a third or a 4th path leading somewhere mysterious? Somewhere that leads to a better life? A path less taken?
I think that to find who we are, we first have to identify all the things stopping us from being our true selves.
Is it a belief system? Is it relationships? Is it this idea of how our life is 'supposed' to look? Or, have we just spent too long looking outside ourselves for answers that can only come from within.
Being a mom is such a defining feature of my identity, and I have wrapped so much of my life up into caring for my beautiful children. But have I let that become too much of my identity? Have I let myself be defined by the idea of what a mom is supposed to be?
What is a mom supposed to be anyway? Isn't it enough if we care for our children?
I think I let myself get caught up in this idea of being the perfect soccer mom with the perfect nails, perfect hair, perfect children, and creating an image that I stopped actually enjoying myself or my children.
The other night I was sitting on the floor with River, rolling empty coke bottles around with the cats, and it was playful and spontaneous. We went with the moment. We just played without an idea of an outcome in mind.
I think as adults, we get so weighted down with responsibilities that we forget how to be spontaneous. We forget how to play. We forget all the things that are moving deep inside our souls.
Maybe finding ourselves again comes from finding that spontaneity again. From learning to go with the flow, to follow the wind, and to take time to stop and daydream.
Every day, you wake up with a chance to radically redefine your life.
So how are you going to do that? How am I?
This morning I have more questions than answers, as I am seeking a new path for myself and for my own life. I left one life behind, found another, and it doesn't feel like a fit yet.
It is like a new pair of shoes that even though they looked great on the mannequin in the store, still need some breaking in. You have to walk in those shoes a while until they get the proper fit.
So, while I am trying these new shoes on and waiting for them to get comfortable, I have space to explore. Both myself, my life and my future.
All I know is, I want a different life than what I had in the past. I want something different than just a meaningless 9-5 rat race where you hustle until you die with nothing really to show for it.
This last year has pushed me to my limits, and I am taking some time to regroup and rethink. To decide what is valuable from both the new life and the old. Time to reflect. Time to decide who I want to be, and the kind of legacy that I want to leave for my children.
I do want to be the best mother possible, for both of them. And I need to find a balanced approach to how I can do that. To meet the needs of both my girls, as well as my own silent needs.
Can you relate to the struggle of reinventing yourself? For me, it has been a constant throughout my life. I have been constantly trying to find my path, and though I feel closer now than ever, it still feels like some kind of answer is eluding me. Some kind of magic that will make my life truly shine.
Do you want to come on a journey of self-discovery with me, my lovelies? Do you want to find what makes your heart come alive? What makes you shine?
Perhaps we can walk this path together for a time, and find a way to shine for ourselves, and a way to make the whole world bright in our path.