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When Your Twin Flame Becomes an Unhealthy Obsession

Do you believe in Twin Flames? It can be enticing to believe that you have a perfect mate out there in the world, someone who is your perfect match, a mirror of yourself, a yin to your yang. But how much truth is there to this idea? And, how helpful is it to your life to spend all your time yearning for this person?

In Netflix's new documentary Escaping Twin Flames, they tackle some of these issues by showing the journey of several people who were involved with an organization known as Twin Flame Universe. I watched this 3-part series yesterday, after hearing a warning about twin flames mentioning this documentary from another psychic reader that I follow online.

If you haven't seen this documentary, I have to tell you, it is disturbing on so many levels. It shows a corrupt quasi-spiritual organization that is taking advantage of people who either believe they have found their twin flame or are looking for their twin flame.

After watching what the former followers of Twin Flame Universe have to say, and watching the video clips of coaching sessions that were provided that THIS ORGANIZATION IS A CULT. Pure and simple. Jeff and Shalia are cult leaders who have carefully and calculatingly created a pyramid scam that preys on people looking for love.

Some of the issues that this series raises are:

  • Are twin flames real?

  • Have I met my twin flame?

  • How do I know if someone is my twin flame?

  • How do I know if a spiritual organization is legitimate?

  • Am I joining a cult?

I don't think I can fully unpack all these questions in one article, as these are some pretty big issues here. But, since I am somewhat knowledgable on both Twin Flames and Cults (I have spent time researching both) I am going to give you some general pointers to follow to help you steer clear of being the victim of a cult leader yourself.

Twin Flames

When it comes to determining if Twin Flames are real, there are differing opinions. Personally, I do believe in the existance of Twin Flames, and there was a time that I was part of several twin flame online groups.

However, according to Medical News Today,

There is no scientific evidence to support the concept of twin flames.
The twin flame ideology is a theoretical spiritual concept. As with other spiritual concepts, some people may say it is difficult to study and measure because it is nonpredictable and nonmeasurable.

Since there is no way to either prove or disprove the existance of twin flames scientifically, you have to search within yourself to decide what to believe. However, I will tell you several ways in which the idea of twin flames can become problematic in your life.

Twin Flames can become an unhealthy obsession. By its very nature, the idea of having an obsession is unhealthy. This is why Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is considered to be a disorder. When you obsess too much over one thing, it can distract you from other aspects of your life.

If you spend all your time thinking about your twin flame, it can distract you from your spiritual path, your work, your family and friends, your hobbies and your goals. So, if you are spending all your time thinking about your twin flame, you may want to consider seeking help.

Very Well Mind provides some tips on managing an obsession:

  • Find support: Participating in peer support groups for people with OCD or intrusive thoughts can help you feel less alone and connect you to valuable resources.21 

  • Avoid drugs and alcohol: Many people with OCD also have a substance use disorder (SUD). In turn, excessive alcohol use worsens OCD symptoms. If you have OCD, it may be best to limit your intake of drugs and alcohol as much as possible.22

  • Practice good sleep habits: Insomnia often exacerbates intrusive thoughts. To improve your sleep quality, practice healthy sleep habits like going to bed at the same time every night and turning off your phone an hour before bedtime.23 

  • Exercise regularly: Staying physically active may help you burn off excess energy and keep your mind off of your obsessions. Research suggests that vigorous exercise can even reduce the severity of OCD symptoms.24

  • Use a self-help program: From workbooks and online exercises to smartphone apps, there are plenty of self-help tools you can use to monitor your obsessive thought patterns and learn to stop them in their tracks.25 

  • Practice mindfulness: Obsessions may make you feel like you’re not in the driver’s seat when it comes to your thoughts. Mindfulness and mind-body techniques, such as yoga and meditation, can help you stay grounded and present.26

  • Manage stress: Chronic stress can trigger obsessive thoughts or make them worse. If you are prone to obsessive thinking, it’s important to optimize your stress and try to relax when necessary.

The takeaway: Whether someone is your twin flame or not, if you are obsessing constantly over them, it isn't healthy for you.

Twin Flame Relationships can be toxic. If you spend enough time on twin flame forums, you may begin to realize that people use the idea of twin flames to excuse all sorts of toxic behaviors.

If someone is treating you badly, twin flame or no, you need to walk away.

Taking care of your mental health, your emotional wellbeing and your physical safety needs to be more important than any relationship. Being in a toxic or violent relationship is not benefitting you. Twin flame or no, if you are being mentally or physically abused, you need to walk away.

For a list of characteristics of both healthy and unhealthy relationships, you can check out this article:

Though this article is geared toward the parents of teens, the criteria for both healthy and unhealthy relationships can apply to anyone, regardless of age. Make sure that your relationship checks off more boxes on the healthy list than on the unhealthy list. Otherwise, you may be in an abusive relationship.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you can seek help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) in the US.

There is also a list of International domestic violence hotline numbers available here.

You are stalking your twin flame or your twin flame is stalking you. It is important to respect other people's boundaries. No matter how intense of a connection you feel with someone, it is never ok to try to force a relationship with them. This is considered to be a form of coercion. There is a reason why stalking is a crime. As someone who has been stalked in the past, I can tell you, being stalked is scary AF.

If you are the victim of stalking, the Stalking Prevention Awareness Resource Center provides these general tips:

  1. Trust your instincts. Victims of stalking often feel pressured by friends or family to downplay the stalker’s behavior, but stalking poses a real threat of harm. Your safety is paramount.

  2. Call the police if you feel you are in any immediate danger. Explain why the stalker’s actions are causing you fear.

  3. Keep a record or log of each contact with the stalker. You can use this log as an example. Be sure to also document any police reports.

  4. Save evidence when possible. Stalkers often use technology to contact their victims. Save all emails, text messages, photos, and postings on social networking sites as evidence of the stalking behavior. You may also want to consider how to use your technology and your devices in a safer manner. For more information, please visit the National Network to End Domestic Violence Safety Net Project’s Tech Safety Site.

  5. Get connected with a local victim service provider who can assist you in exploring your options as well as discuss safety planning.

Stalking is a very serious crime. It can be a result of domestic violence, or of an obsession gone very wrong. Many stalkers will escalate from stalking to more extreme behaviors over time.

Remember, whether someone is your twin flame or not, it is their decision whether they want to have a relationship with you. Have you heard that saying, "If you love someone, set them free"? Well, that applies here. No matter how much you love someone, you can't force them to be in a relationship with you.

You may believe that you are destined to be together. But is this true?

This brings up a huge question of Free Will vs. Determinism. Personally, I believe that everyone has free will, and deserves to have a sense of agency. People get to decide which relationships they choose to have in their lives. If the person you believe is your twin decides that they don't want to be with you, for whatever reason, you need to respect their choice and allow them to walk away.

When you really love someone, that means allowing them to live their life as they choose. If you believe that you are destined to be with someone, then you can also believe that you will find your way back to them again, either in this lifetime or in a future lifetime.


You may find that cults, or cult-like figures, can exist even within mainstream religions, as well as in new-age spirituality. Cult leaders will typically be very charismatic leaders who draw people towards them through use of their magnetic personality.

Just like how some Catholic priests were found to be child molesters, and some mega-church leaders were caught embezzeling funds from their congregations and committing sexual assault, there are bad people within spiritual communities as well. No matter what faith you follow, be sure that you can trust the leaders that you are following.

It can be difficult to tell at the beginning that the religious movement you are joining up with may be a cult. However, Very Well Mind offers some signs that a religious organization is a cult:

  1. Absolute authoritarianism without accountability

  2. Zero tolerance for criticism or questions

  3. Lack of meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget

  4. Unreasonable fears about the outside world that often involve evil conspiracies and persecutions

  5. A belief that former followers are always wrong for leaving and there is never a legitimate reason for anyone else to leave

  6. Abuse of members

  7. Records, books, articles, or programs documenting the abuses of the leader or group

  8. Followers feeling they are never able to be “good enough”

  9. A belief that the leader is right at all times

  10. A belief that the leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or giving validation

As someone who is a spiritual practitioner myself, I can tell you that you should vet anyone closely who you have chosen to provide you with spiritual guidance. Make sure that what they believe aligns to what you believe on a personal level.


"The purpose of religion is to help us behave in a moral way, and to answer all the big questions about the meaning and purpose of life. It gives us a belief system."

If your religious or spiritual beliefs aren't improving your life, then it may be time for you to question if your church or spiritual organization is a good fit. In addition to "fringe" cults like Twin Flame Universe, you can also find cult-like behavior within mainstream religions as well.

True spiritual teachers will encourage you to find answers for yourself. The best example I can point to of a true spiritual teacher is the Dalai Lama. He is a selfless, kind and giving individual who teaches compassion for all living beings, and for the planet itself. This is the kind of teacher you probly want to find for yourself.

If you are looking for a spiritual teacher, Lone Wolf gives the following criteria in finding a good one:

1. S/he must have embodied the spiritual message to be able to have disciples.

2. S/he must have personally traveled the mystic path to be able to show the way.
3. S/he must have become refined and educated in order to be an educator.
4. S/he must be generous and devoid of self-importance so that s/he can sacrifice wealth on behalf of the disciple.
5. S/he must have no hand in the disciple’s wealth so that s/he is not tempted to use it for himself/herself.
6. Whenever s/he can give advice through a sign, s/he will not use direct expression.
7. Whenever s/he can educate through kindness, s/he will not use violence and harshness.
8. Whatever s/he orders, s/he has first accomplished.
9. Whatever s/he forbids the disciple, s/he has abstained from himself/herself.
10. S/he will not abandon the students for the sake of the world.

When you are looking at a teacher or ogranization that you want to join, compare their qualities to the list about cult leaders vs. the list about true teachers. You should quickly be able to tell where on the spectrum your perspective guru falls.

If you are unsure, you can follow someone's online content for a while. See if it resonates with you. If you are considering a paid course from someone, make sure that you feel that their free content is helpful, and is in alignment with your beliefs. It can be very helpful to have a spiritual guide on your path, it is very important to make sure you find the right one.

Final Thoughts

This covers most of my thoughts after watching the Netflix documentary, however if you have watched this too, feel free to write to me in the comments, and I will do my best to answer your questions.

Additionally, if you want to read more information about either Twin Flames or Cults, let me know that as well. I am happy to provide what I have learned through my own experiences and my studies on these topics.

Most importantly, remember to be safe in your relationships. Any relationship that is in your life should be helping you and not harming you. Real love always comes from a place of kindness and respect. Someone who really loves you will not try to manipulate or harm you in any way.


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