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You Don't Need Other People's Approval to be a Good Person

Updated: Aug 29, 2023

Sometimes in life when you are a good person with a good heart, other people will try to take advantage of that goodness and ask you for too much. If we are approval seeking or people pleasing by nature, sometimes we will go along with these requests without thinking twice.

It is important to learn to set boundaries with people, to protect your own energy and your own peace. If you are a good, kind person, sometimes that can prove to be difficult. You want to help people that are in need. But the thing is, you can't always help everyone. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and say no.

If you feel you don't have the mental energy or bandwidth to help someone, you may have to say no. Similarly, if you don't have the resources to help. You can't expect to be able to donate to everyone's go-fund-me page, or donate to every charitable cause that asks you.

It is important to prioritize. When donating to charities, sometimes you have to narrow your focus and just pick a few to support. They may all be worthy causes, but you have to prioritize which ones you are going to choose. I get mailers from different causes all the time, but I have to choose which ones to support. I don't have enough money to give to all of them.

Similarly with family and friends asking for your time or your help. You can't help everyone all the time. Sometimes you have to choose, and say yes or no depending on what you have time for. If you help everyone all of the time, you are going to end up burned out, stretched too thin, and with no energy left for yourself.

You can be a good person with a good heart and still say no sometimes. It doesn't make you a bad person. You just have to pick and choose what you are ok with helping with at any given time. Sometimes you will have more energy and resources at your disposal than others.

I'm not saying you should always say no, but you shouldn't always say yes either.

According to Therapy Changes,

It is your life. Make choices that are going to be best for you and your well-being. If that means saying no, then say it with conviction. Because by saying “no” to circumstances you do not want in your life, the more you are saying “yes” to yourself and the things that matter — and that is a beautiful thing.

When you are saying no to requests, you are honoring yourself and your needs. It is important to remember that your needs matter too. Caring for yourself and your mental health matters. If you are feeling burned out from helping too much, then you may need to dial it back and do some self-care.

You are an important and worthy person too, and spending time caring for yourself matters just as much as spending time caring for others. If you aren't going to advocate for yourself and your time, no one else is going to do it for you.

It is ok to set boundaries and say no sometimes. That means, you are learning to be a stronger person and to honor your own needs as well as the needs of others.

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