Your Life is Probably Not as Ruined as You Think it is
Do you feel completely and utterly hopeless, like your life is broken beyond repair? Do you feel like nothing will get you out of the hole you have dug for yourself? Do you feel like your life has been wasted and you should just give up?
We all feel this way at least a few times in our lives. We may have chosen the wrong partner, the wrong career path, or the wrong city to live in. We have built something for years, and it just feels like we are faking it, and nothing is the way that it should be.
Even in these situations, when everything comes crashing down around you in broken pieces, there is still hope. You still have the ability to pick up all the broken pieces and move on. You built a life once, you can build it again.
Sure, it may take time, stamina, and wading through some heartache to get there. But think of a mosaic. It is a picture that is built out of broken things to make something new.
According to Spruce Crafts,
A mosaic is an artistic technique that uses tiny parts to create a whole image or object. Mosaics are usually assembled using small tiles that are made of glass, stone, or other materials. Typically the tiles are square, but they can also be round or randomly shaped.
Your life may never go back together the way that it was before everything broke. But you can pick up the pieces, put them in a different order, and create something that is still beautiful. You can create a new whole, in a new way.
It may seem impossible at times. I remember after my divorce, being piled down with all of our mutual credit card bills. I paid them all off $50 at a time over a period of years. It was a daunting task, and it took time to pay everything off and to repair my credit afterwards.
When I first got divorced, my credit score was 483. It wasn't even enough for me to get a new bank account at most places. But I was lucky enough to find a bank that would start an account for me without a credit check, so that I could leave the bank that I shared with my ex.
Solutions can be difficult to find, and even more so when you are stressed and in an emotional state. Taking time to calm down, rest, and recharge your batteries can help you clear your head and to think more creatively about your problem solving strategies.
It may seem like everything needs to be done immediately, but taking time to slow down and evaluate your options really isn't a waste of time. Like me with the past due bills. They were already months past due. Taking one more day to rest before responding wasn't the end of the world, and it let me calm down enough to think things through.
Taking a day off in the face of so much that needs to be done can seem frivolous and wasteful, but sometimes a day of rest is really what you need. Take some time for self-care. Take some time to let your mind reset. Lowering your baseline level of stress can do wonders for your mind, body and soul.
It can also be helpful to talk to a professional if you are going through some hard choices. A therapist or life coach can help immensely. Having a listening ear, and someone a bit removed from the situation to talk to can help you look at things more objectively.
When you talk to family or friends about your situation, they may have their own biases or opinions about what they think you should do. Talking to a therapist or coach allows you to find someone who only has your interests at heart, and not everyone else's opinions too.
It may take some time, and a lot of effort, but you can build back up a new life even after a mistake that feels like it has ruined your life. You can repair your credit. You can find a new job or a new partner. You can move to a different city.
Whatever it is that you feel you have done wrong, if you look at it the right way, can eventually be fixed. Nothing is ever beyond repair. You just need to look for creative solutions, and find a way to make a new and better life for yourself.
It may seem hard now to move on from the past, and your life may be filled with chaos. So, make sure to be gentle with yourself. Take that time for self-care. Find things that you can enjoy on your own. You can try yoga, meditation, journaling or a gratitude practice. Any of these will help you create a more positive mindset that allows you to see your situation more clearly and to make better choices.
Allow yourself to feel all of your feelings. Don't try to push them down or pretend they don't exist. This allows you to process your feelings and move past them. If you don't allow yourself to feel, you can create a stuckness for yourself, because you haven't moved through the full cycle of feelings.
When we lose something, we can go through grief. There are stages that we move through, including sadness, anger, betrayal and more. By allowing yourself to feel all these things, it will eventually take you to a place where you can let the situation go.
It takes time, and kindness to yourself to do this. Don't beat yourself up about what happened. Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. Your feelings are valid. It is ok to allow yourself to feel them. Feelings aren't bad or to be avoided, even 'negative' feelings like sadness or anger. Our feelings can be teachers, with lessons for us to learn from them.
You can simultaneously work on your feelings, and fixing your situation in life. Eventually, you will come to a place where you will have a better life, and you can find peace and happiness again.
There is no struggle too great that it can't be overcome. There is no problem so big that it can't be solved. We all have the capability for resiliency and problem solving. It may not seem like it, but you can come through your difficult situation and become a stronger and wiser person because of what has happened to you.
Then, you will be able to be more intentional the next time around and create a better life for yourself out of your broken pieces. You will have your mosaic, and it will be beautiful.