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Healing Your Life has to be Your Choice

Updated: Aug 29, 2023

When you are in a bad life situation, it often seems like you have no choice except to stay and deal with how bad it is. But this isn't really the case. We always have choice and agency to get out of a bad situation, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Are you in a bad relationship? A dead-end job? Fighting with your parents all the time? Struggling as a mother?

All of these are common struggles that we go through in life, and it is up to us to solve our own problems. There is no knight on a white horse coming to save you. Things aren't just magically going to get better all on their own.

And, let's face it, you can't put up with being miserable forever.

The sooner you take things into your own hands and decide to make a change, the sooner things are going to get better for you.

When I was in an abusive relationship, I reached out for help many times, and those people were either unable or unwilling to help me. I had to decide for myself that I was going to leave, and then follow through on it.

It wasn't easy, and things didn't get better overnight. But they did start to get better little by little once I was out of that relationship.

Believe in yourself

In order to help ourselves, we need to believe in ourselves and our own worth. If you believe that you are worthless and bad, it is unlikely that you are going to do anything to better your situation. You blame yourself for what is wrong, and you just stay stuck.

I allowed my ex to keep treating me badly because I thought I deserved it. I had to change my thoughts to be able to change my life. I had to say to myself, "I am not going to spend any more time being this miserable."

I had to believe that I was worthy of a good life, and worthy of being treated with kindness and respect, so that I could get the strength and courage to leave.

I had to change my mindset and believe that I deserved to be happy. That is the beginning of making a change to your circumstances. You have to believe in yourself and your goodness. You have to believe that you deserve better. You have to believe that you deserve to have a good life.

Once you change your mindset, and believe that you deserve a good life, then it will be easier for you to begin making some changes in your life, because it will be coming from a place of inner strength.

Make a plan

Once you have started to believe in yourself and your life, then you will need to make a plan about how you are going to change your life.

It may not be easy to make a plan, but there are places that you can go to get additional resources. You can research online, and find ways that other people have done what it is that you want to do.

If you don't have a support system in place, as many of us don't these days, you may need to seek out help in the community. For example, there are city and community programs that can help you out of a bad situation.

If you are being abused, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 800.799.SAFE (7233).

They can help you make a safety plan to get out of your relationship to find some help for what is happening.

If you are a runaway, or a child that is in an abusive situation, then you can call the National Runaway Switchboard 1-800-786-2929.

For additional resources, you can check my resources tab for additional assistance. You can find someone in your local area who is accustomed to dealing with similar circumstances to help you make a plan to get out safely.

If you are in a job that you don't feel like is working, you can go to career counseling. Many cities have a career counseling center available as well.

Whatever your situation, it takes you deciding to make a change, but it is important to enlist some help as well. It is difficult to go it all alone.

You can also speak to a therapist or coach to get advice on changing your life as well. They will be able to give you a compassionate, listening ear. They want to help you to live a better life.

The more help you can get, the better!

Taking action

Once you have made a choice to heal your life, and made a plan, then it is time for follow-through. You can start taking action right away to make your life better. Think of one small thing you can do each day for yourself that will take you a step closer to your goal.

Remember, you deserve to have the best life possible. You don't have to stay stuck in a bad situation just because you feel guilty or afraid about leaving.

Making social change

For those of us who have gotten to a better place, it is up to us to help create social change and to normalize leaving a bad situation.

One of the worst things I see is people saying, "Oh, but it's family." We don't have to stay with people who are hurting us just because it is family. We should have a family that loves and appreciates us, but that is not the reality for many of us.

If you are someone who has left your family behind, it is important to speak up about it when you can, so that other people will know that they aren't alone. Not everyone has a happy family that they deserve. Some people are hurt by their families.

The more we can normalize leaving an unhealthy family, the more assistance there will be, and the more things in society will change. We can find a family of choice away from our family of origin.

We can work for causes against domestic abuse and raise awareness. We can donate time or money to these causes, to help others who are still struggling. They deserve to have a better life than they have. They deserve to have help in ways that we didn't.

The more we can talk about this kind of issues in society, the more we can raise awareness, and get other people involved in the cause of family abuse too.


Changing your life has to start with you, and with changing your mindset and your thoughts about your life. You have to find inner strength and a sense of self-worth. Remember, you are worthy of love, kindness and respect.

Then, you can make a plan of how you are going to get out of the bad situation that you are in so you can move forward. After that, you can enlist help.

Once you have moved forward from your situation, you can become an advocate and help other people to change opinions in society to help others who are still suffering.

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