Updated: Aug 30
If you are going to make a major change in your life like starting a fitness routine, changing your diet, starting a new habit, making a move or changing jobs, make sure that it is because it is something you really want.
In life, it can be all too easy to think we need to make changes to please other people, or to live up to social expectations. But, it is hard enough to make a change if you want to. If it isn't what you really want, it isn't going to be sustainable.
Make sure you are living the life that you want to live. Choose a life that you can wake up every day excited to be living. Do the things that make you happy, and that excite you. Do things to follow your dreams.
Your dreams, wants, needs and desires may not always line up with what other people want for you. You may not want to follow social expectations for your life. Your values may not always line up with those around you.
In these cases, it is important to follow your own internal compass, and do the things that are right for you.
Changing to please other people is just going to make you miserable in the long run, and cause resentment in your relationships. If people aren't going to accept you for the way you are, you may need to put a little bit of distance in these relationships and set boundaries with the people in your life.
Setting boundaries can be very healthy for your mental health. If people in your life are judging you, your lifestyle, or your choices, you may need to ask them to calm the negativity.
Learning to set boundaries with people can be difficult, especially if you have been a people pleaser in the past. However, if people are asking you to make big changes, it may become necessary.
According to Science of People, here are 5 ways to set healthy boundaries:
Visualize and name your limits
Openly communicate your boundaries
Reiterate and uphold your boundaries
Don't be afraid to say no
Take time for yourself
When you follow these tips, it will become easier to set boundaries with the people in your life. You may need to communicate your boundaries several times for the information to sink in clearly. This can take time, patience and persistence on your part.
It is important to stand firm, and let someone know if they are violating your boundaries. This way, they will learn that you need to be treated with courtesy and respect, regardless of what they think of your lifestyle.
Setting boundaries is a way to honor yourself, your needs, and your mental health. It allows you to be able to put yourself first in your life and to get your needs met from other people. It also stops you from being in codependent relationships.
Taking control of change
If you really want to change your life, it should be something that comes from within, and not from external sources.
When someone has suggested a change that you may want to make in your life, seriously consider if that is the right choice for you. You may want to make a pro's and con's list, or do another type of long journal session, or talk to a therapist or life coach to decide if the change is right for you.
It can help to have someone impartial to talk to that can look at your life more objectively than another friend or family member who has their own opinions.
Changing your life takes a lot of willpower. So, if you are really ready to make changes, you will need to be dedicated to maintaining a new habit or routine in your life. For example, if you wanted to eat healthier, that is going to require meal planning, time and thought. It would mean being more intentional and eating less fast food. So, if this was something you wanted to undertake, it will take some work.
Being able to change from within and follow your own internal compass takes having inner strength and compassion for yourself. You will need to accept that changes takes time, and it isn't going to happen all at once. You will want to set goals and make a plan for how the changes will take place.
Once you have done this, you can put your plan into action.
Remember, whatever you do in life, there is only one person that you are going to be spending 100% of your time with. That person is you. So you should be living a life that is fulfilling and makes you happy.
Don't worry about other people's judgement. It isn't your job to please them. If people around you are being negative about your lifestyle, don't be afraid to set boundaries!