top of page

Stop Being a People Pleaser and Find Inner Confidence

Updated: Aug 29, 2023

Did you grow up with a parent who was a narcissist or a perfectionist? If so, this can leave inner scars that last into adulthood.

When we grow up with trauma, or being told that we aren't good enough, these beliefs can carry into adulthood. We can have a fractured sense of self that relies heavily on others for validation.

It is easy to become a people pleaser when you grow up being told over and over again that nothing that you do is good enough.

At some point, it comes time to break free of other people's opinions of you. You have to stop letting it matter what people think of you, the judgments that people make of you, the ways that they treat you.

You have to learn how to give yourself the love, kindness and empathy that you deserve. Being kind to yourself, accepting yourself, and loving yourself can help to heal your inner wounds and make you a more whole person. By having approval for yourself, you can stop letting other people's approval matter so much.

Learning to say no and set boundaries

Being able to say no to requests that are outside your comfort zone, to set boundaries to protect yourself, is key to better mental health and better relationships.

Other people don't own you. It's not their job to make your decisions for you.

It is easy to fall into this trap of trying to be what others want all the time, but when you learn to stand up for yourself and say no to being treated badly, it will help you have a happier and more full life.

According to NAMI,

With emotional and physical boundaries, you will develop autonomy and independence. Maintaining your assertiveness about your boundaries will also help bolster your self-esteem.

Learning to set boundaries and tell people how you deserve to be treated will take time and dedication, and it is easy to fall back into unhealthy patterns of compromising yourself for other people's needs.

Remember, it isn't your job to make other people like you.

You are a beautiful and worthy person, just as you are. You might have a unique fashion taste, or hobbies that aren't 'popular' or a 'weird' taste in music. Learn to embrace that uniqueness about yourself. Don't let other people talk down to you because of it!

You are a beautiful and worthy person, just as you are. You might have a unique fashion taste, or hobbies that aren't 'popular' or a 'weird' taste in music. Learn to embrace that uniqueness about yourself. Don't let other people talk down to you because of things that they don't like about you.

Liking yourself is the most important thing that you can do in life. If you like how you are, you can tell other people that it isn't ok to judge you. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

When you are around someone and they start to go negative, it is OK to ask them to stop. Tell them that you deserve to be treated with courtesy and respect. If they aren't willing to engage with you in a respectful manner, you may need to walk away.

It is ok to take time and space for yourself, to get away from negative people and protect your own energy and your mental health.

You can go as far as to tell them exactly what your boundaries are, and what you will do if they aren't met. Such as ending a phone call or leaving a visit. Tell them you will not engage if they don't speak in a respectful manner.

Finding confidence

Learning how to find confidence in yourself when validation doesn't come from outside is hard, I know. I struggle with this myself. I have a huge desire for everyone to like me, and I always have.

When other people don't like you, it is important to learn to like yourself. Do things that are good for yourself and that make you happy. Take time every day for self-care and introspection. This can help you define your values and find your worth.

Some great ways to connect with yourself are through:

  • Journaling

  • Listening to inspiring podcasts or videos

  • Going to therapy

  • Meditation

  • Mindfulness

  • Yoga

  • Spending time in nature

  • Saying affirmations

  • Practicing gratitude

Any of these habits can help you connect back to yourself in a powerful and meaningful way. If you are struggling on your own, it can be great to connect with a therapist or life coach to help you find ways to reprogram your negative self-talk that comes back to the opinions of other people.

Eventually, the more you lean into your self-work, you will develop a stronger sense of self-worth and know in your heart that you are a good person. You are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect. You deserve to have boundaries.

Knowing your own worth is a powerful tool that can help you stop being a people pleaser, and stop letting other people's opinions get the best of you.

Remind yourself: My life belongs to me. My life doesn't belong to other people.

The more often you give yourself this reminder, it will help you to get free from other negative people's opinions. Know your own worth, and refuse to be treated as less than worthy by anyone who is in your space.

Knowing you is a privilege. You are special. That is how you deserve to be treated. Make sure you hold firm to these beliefs inside yourself. Tell yourself all day how worthy and special that you are. Then, you will develop an unshakable sense of self that can no longer be violated by other people.


bottom of page