You are a Good and Worthwhile Person

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Sometimes, we forget our own self worth because or our limiting beliefs, or the opinions of others. We may feel inferior, or like nothing we can do is right. We feel like we don't deserve to have the good things in life that other people have.

A lot of times in life, we allow the people in our lives to determine our self worth, and this can be damaging if we have narcissists or other negative people around us.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or an inferiority complex, make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes.

- Attributed to Sigmund Freud, not Substantiated (unknown)

If you are around a lot of negative people, it is easy to internalize the negative things they say about you. This is especially true if someone is persistently negative or always cutting you down. If you were bullied in school, or grew up with narcissistic parents, it is no wonder that you think badly of yourself.

Learning to separate the truth about yourself from the words of others can be difficult. Yet, this is something we can do for ourselves in adulthood to create a better self image. It is important to separate yourself mentally from other people's opinions of you in order to learn self love and self acceptance.

Creating a healthy self image

In order to live a happier life, it is important to work on creating more positive self talk and a healthy self image. Trusting in the good qualities that you possess can help to set you free from all the bad things other people have said to you in the past.

There is good in everyone. You are not the things that people say to you. You are not your limiting beliefs. You are not your trauma or your fears. Though these things can impact you deeply and make you feel bad about yourself, it is possible to overcome this if you work to improve your mindset.

Creating a positive mindset isn't something happens overnight, and it may take time, dedication and therapy. It took years to create the way you think about things now, and rewiring your brain to look at things more positively can take equally long. Be sure you are being gentle with yourself as you are growing.

Mental Health America provides the following tips for creating a more positive self image:

1. Start small – Take it one step at a time

2. Say “No” to your inner critic

3. Take a 2-minute self-appreciation break

4. Go for good enough

5. Avoid falling into the comparison trap

6. Spend your time with supportive people.

7. Don’t let the haters stop you

8. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself

9. Eat good food

10. Exercise regularly.

11. Get enough sleep

12. Do things you enjoy doing

13. Do something nice for someone else

14. Remember that you’re awesome

Many of these tips are things that we already know we need to do, like getting proper sleep, eating well and exercising. And yet, when our mental health is down, these are often things that we neglect. Making sure that you are taking care of yourself can help you to feel healthier, both mentally and physically.

Taking time to do things you enjoy, with people who are a positive influence, can also make a huge impact. Having positive influences in your life can help to protect you mentally against negativity. So, if you are feeling down, you can take some time to call a friend, read a good book, or spend some time on your other hobbies.

You can also make a list of all your good qualities. Think about times where you achieved something difficult, won an award, got a good grade, or received a promotion. This can help you focus on the good things about yourself, too.

We all have things that we are good at doing. Lean into those good qualities, and make an effort to find places where you are appreciated and valued. This can be at home, work, with friends, through volunteering, or in online communities. There are many positive spaces where people will treat you with kindness and respect.

You can also spend time saying affirmations every morning, so that you are feeding your brain with positivity. The more positive things you tell yourself, the more you will be able to bounce back when someone says something negative, or your limiting beliefs kick in.

Spending time journaling can also be helpful. It helps you get your thoughts out of your mind, so that you can free up space to concentrate on here and now.

Another helpful habit is to surround yourself with motivational quotes. You can write these down in your journal, on index cards you can carry with you, or buy posters to put up in your home. Any time you are feeling down, you will be able to look at these messages to get back into a positive thought pattern.

Take a close look at your relationships

Often, if you are stuck in a pattern of negative self talk and limiting beliefs, it is because you are spending too much time with people who don't appreciate you. If you are in a negative environment, it is easy to reinforce negative beliefs about yourself. Taking a close look at the people around you is a helpful step in self improvement.

Tony Robbins provides some helpful tips to build an inner circle that will be supportive of you:

1. DECIDE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GREATNESS

2. LET GO OF NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIPS

3. IDENTIFY POSITIVE PEOPLE

 4. JOIN A PROFESSIONAL GROUP

5. GET OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE

Most of the time, we create relationships with people without a sense of intention. Especially when we are kids, we tend to hang out with whoever is nearby in the neighborhood. In High School, we make friends with people who share our classes or extra curriculars. As adults, we meet people at work or through friends of friends.

As we enter into these relationships, we usually don't ask ourselves if people are bringing us up or pulling us down. However, if you want to create a better life for yourself, it is important to be more intentional about who you are spending your time with.

Think about the people in your life who make you happy, that you feel safe to be authentic with, who challenge you or make you laugh. These are the best people to have in your corner. Likely, you can identify at least one or two of these people in your life already. Once you have taken time to think about it, you can make an effort to see more of these people on a regular basis.

For me, it is the people I go to play cards with. We have a great time playing Magic the Gathering, snacking, talking about life, and having fun. Doing something light hearted and sharing in a positive hobby make this a great way to spend time on the weekends. Likely, you can do something like this in your life too.

In addition to strengthening the positive connections you already have, you can step outside your comfort zone to meet new people as well. You can do this through attending events that interest you, volunteering, or joining a professional network like the Chamber of Commerce. There are even apps to make friends, like the Peanut app for moms.

Trying to meet new people can be difficult at times, or cause us to fear rejection. However, the benefits of having positive people in our lives are numerous. When you step outside your comfort zone to meet people whose lives and values align to yours, it can make a huge impact in your life.

According to the American Psychological Association,

A review of 38 studies found that adult friendships, especially high-quality ones that provide social support and companionship, significantly predict well-being and can protect against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety—and those benefits persist across the life span (Pezirkianidis, C., et al., Frontiers in Psychology, Vol. 14, 2023; Blieszner, R., et al., Innovation in Aging, Vol. 3, No. 1, 2019). People with no friends or poor-quality friendships are twice as likely to die prematurely, according to Holt-Lunstad’s meta-analysis of more than 308,000 people—a risk factor even greater than the effects of smoking 20 cigarettes per day (PLOS Medicine, Vol. 7, No. 7, 2010).

The people you surround yourself with really helps to contribute to a positive quality of life. Not only can your friends help with your mental health, having positive friendships even improves your physical health. Good friends are a treasure, so going out of your way to look for them can really make your life better in more ways than you realize.

In this age where more and more people are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness, it is more important than ever to build close connections with others. Humans are social animals, and neglecting our social connections can have far reaching implications in many aspects of our lives.

Take some time to journal it out. Write down all the positive people in your life that you want to get closer to, and negative people you want to distance yourself from. This way, you can be more intentional about how you are spending your time.

Your opinion matters most

Ultimately, no matter what other people think or say about you, it is your own opinion that matters most. Set healthy boundaries with the people around you, and enforce them. You get to decide how you allow others to treat you. If someone treats you with disrespect, speak up for yourself, and tell them that you aren't going to stand for that anymore.

If you are in a situation where people are making you feel bad about yourself, it is always ok to leave. Whether it is a job, an event, a social circle, or family relationships, it is ok to walk away to protect your peace. Removing yourself from a negative situation is just as important as seeking out positive ones.

Trust yourself and your own judgment. Often there are red flags you will notice with certain people. Trust your instincts, and distance yourself from people who aren't treating you with the respect and kindness that you deserve.

As you work on your mindset to create a more positive image of yourself, you will be better able to get to the truth of what is being said to you on a daily basis. Have confidence in your skills, abilities and innate worth. Know that you possess goodness and beauty, and that you provide a positive contribution to society.

Reflect on your accomplishments, celebrate your wins, and keep track of all the things that you do well. The more you focus on the good with a sense of gratitude and appreciation, the more you will be able to amplify the good qualities within yourself.

You are a good and valuable person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Read more:

Don't Tie up Your Mental Health to Other People

You Don't Need Other People's Approval to be a Good Person

Working Through Your Limiting Beliefs

Developing self confidence and a healthy self image takes time, and is something that many of us struggle with. Let me know in the comments if you have questions, and I will be happy to address them in a future blog post!